Top Ten Sure Fire Ways to Ruin Date Night
10) Assume you can get the same babysitter as last time. Let’s face it...you didn’t pay her very well, and besides...her hair has probably not yet grown out after the last episode with your toddler and the pair of scissors. If you count on her agreeing at the last minute to come for Round 2, this date night is over before it has even begun.
9) Forget to do laundry earlier in the day, leaving you with a choice of two outfits for the evening. The jeans lying on the floor beside your bed with peanut butter handprints on the butt...OR the micro-mini and leg warmers you’ve been meaning to clean out from your closet since 1986. And trust me...that fad likely wasn’t working for you back then either.
8) Insist on ordering off the kids’ meal. Seriously now, we all know you are on a budget, and it is admirable of you to stick so closely to it; however, this is one time when pasta dyed purple and a paper crown will do you no favours.
7) Try to fill the awkward silence (likely to happen when the kids aren’t there to fill it...) with talk of your successes and failures with potty training lately. Not suitable dinner conversation.
6) After failing at small talk with #7...turn the dinner conversation to talk of your family budget. The fun’s over, people.
5) Phone the babysitter every 20 minutes to check on the kids. If you annoy her enough she just MIGHT let your toddler eat chocolate syrup for supper and stay up to watch Leno.
4) Lean across the table to employ the “lick and wipe” method of removing the spaghetti sauce from your husband’s chin. Focus woman!!...you are in public in the company of ADULTS!!! (hard to believe, I know).
3) Refuse your husband’s offer to buy popcorn (citing your concerted effort to curb carbs and lose that stubborn ten pounds your wee babe left you to remember him by...). Give the guy a break...at this rate, the off chance that your hands may touch while reaching in the bag simultaneously may be all the romance this night has to offer.
2) Give a “Mom lecture” to the young kids sitting in front of you in the movie. Do you not notice your husband slinking down in his chair and pretending he has no idea who the raving lunatic sitting next to him is??
1) Fall asleep in the opening credits. Now we all know you were up half the night with a teething infant, and the other half with a toddler convinced there were monsters in the closet, but for your husband’s sake try to keep the snoring to a minimum...chances are, he’s as dead tired as you are and is already asleep next to you.
Better luck next month!!
9) Forget to do laundry earlier in the day, leaving you with a choice of two outfits for the evening. The jeans lying on the floor beside your bed with peanut butter handprints on the butt...OR the micro-mini and leg warmers you’ve been meaning to clean out from your closet since 1986. And trust me...that fad likely wasn’t working for you back then either.
8) Insist on ordering off the kids’ meal. Seriously now, we all know you are on a budget, and it is admirable of you to stick so closely to it; however, this is one time when pasta dyed purple and a paper crown will do you no favours.
7) Try to fill the awkward silence (likely to happen when the kids aren’t there to fill it...) with talk of your successes and failures with potty training lately. Not suitable dinner conversation.
6) After failing at small talk with #7...turn the dinner conversation to talk of your family budget. The fun’s over, people.
5) Phone the babysitter every 20 minutes to check on the kids. If you annoy her enough she just MIGHT let your toddler eat chocolate syrup for supper and stay up to watch Leno.
4) Lean across the table to employ the “lick and wipe” method of removing the spaghetti sauce from your husband’s chin. Focus woman!!...you are in public in the company of ADULTS!!! (hard to believe, I know).
3) Refuse your husband’s offer to buy popcorn (citing your concerted effort to curb carbs and lose that stubborn ten pounds your wee babe left you to remember him by...). Give the guy a break...at this rate, the off chance that your hands may touch while reaching in the bag simultaneously may be all the romance this night has to offer.
2) Give a “Mom lecture” to the young kids sitting in front of you in the movie. Do you not notice your husband slinking down in his chair and pretending he has no idea who the raving lunatic sitting next to him is??
1) Fall asleep in the opening credits. Now we all know you were up half the night with a teething infant, and the other half with a toddler convinced there were monsters in the closet, but for your husband’s sake try to keep the snoring to a minimum...chances are, he’s as dead tired as you are and is already asleep next to you.
Better luck next month!!
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