Measures of Success
There is nothing more annoying than a new mom who boasts about the 10 consecutive hours of sleep she has been getting since her baby was two weeks old.
That is, unless, you are the new mom who is blessed with the baby who has a penchant for night time sleep. If that is the case...count your blessings, but please excuse the rest of us who are considerably annoyed at you.
I’m only kidding (partially), however, if you’ve ever been in my boat...you know how easy it is for young moms to play the comparison game.
I’ve already told you here that with my first baby I was constantly noticing all the women around me whose babies were sleeping through the night and had been since the night they came home from the hospital. This drove me nuts...and made me wonder what it was I was doing wrong. It caused me to agonize over every decision I made regarding my daughter and her schedule and (I’m now convinced) robbed me of some of the joy of motherhood in those early days. And all of this was because I was constantly comparing myself and my baby to other moms and other babies. I had a one-track mind that was focused on sleep, or rather, my lack of it (you’ve been in my boat – can you blame me?). Secretly, I knew what made a good mom, (or so I thought) and according to my stick, I was not measuring up.
You see, I was the one who made my measure of success all about “sleeping through the night.” I berated myself constantly off and on through that first year for being such a lousy mom, when really, I had a GREAT baby! I WAS doing a lot of things right...and I wasn’t doing anything wrong! I just didn’t realize it at a time when it would have made a difference.
Now I know how crazy my line of thinking was. I like to blame it on the sleep deprivation. But the truth is, over the past few years I have come to learn that I was not-and am still not- alone! New moms everywhere battle this kind of thinking, carrying guilt that does not belong, creating their own measuring stick of how well they are doing as a parent, and blaming themselves when their babies do not fit some preconceived mold...or respond the way `the books` say they should.
Moreover, I’ve discovered that it doesn’t stop when your baby starts sleeping through the night! As your child grows, the only thing that changes is your measuring stick. Soon we`re noticing how other kids eat, play, develop, speak...the list goes on and on. Comparing our kids to other kids, and ourselves to other moms, is what we do. I think it’s because deep down, what we want the most is to know we are doing an okay job: that the decisions we make are in the best interest of our children, and that because of us (or in spite of us) our children will thrive.
Have you ever wondered about God’s measure of success for young moms? His measure of success for you?? I think Micah 6:8 spells it out plain and simply. “He has shown thee, O (Mom), what is good, and what the LORD requires of thee; but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God.”
Funny...there is nothing in there about conquering milestones with your kids, instilling perfect, consistent routines...there’s not even anything about making sure your kids are always on their best behaviour. Come to think of it...God’s measure of success for you has nothing to do with your(my) kids at all, does it? Rather, how you and I are living in relation to Him. What is even MORE interesting is that when we are walking humbly with our God and living in right relationship with him, those parenting issues just all seem to fall into place.
I guess that’s just one more reason why it really is better to Mother “from your knees.”
That is, unless, you are the new mom who is blessed with the baby who has a penchant for night time sleep. If that is the case...count your blessings, but please excuse the rest of us who are considerably annoyed at you.
I’m only kidding (partially), however, if you’ve ever been in my boat...you know how easy it is for young moms to play the comparison game.
I’ve already told you here that with my first baby I was constantly noticing all the women around me whose babies were sleeping through the night and had been since the night they came home from the hospital. This drove me nuts...and made me wonder what it was I was doing wrong. It caused me to agonize over every decision I made regarding my daughter and her schedule and (I’m now convinced) robbed me of some of the joy of motherhood in those early days. And all of this was because I was constantly comparing myself and my baby to other moms and other babies. I had a one-track mind that was focused on sleep, or rather, my lack of it (you’ve been in my boat – can you blame me?). Secretly, I knew what made a good mom, (or so I thought) and according to my stick, I was not measuring up.
You see, I was the one who made my measure of success all about “sleeping through the night.” I berated myself constantly off and on through that first year for being such a lousy mom, when really, I had a GREAT baby! I WAS doing a lot of things right...and I wasn’t doing anything wrong! I just didn’t realize it at a time when it would have made a difference.
Now I know how crazy my line of thinking was. I like to blame it on the sleep deprivation. But the truth is, over the past few years I have come to learn that I was not-and am still not- alone! New moms everywhere battle this kind of thinking, carrying guilt that does not belong, creating their own measuring stick of how well they are doing as a parent, and blaming themselves when their babies do not fit some preconceived mold...or respond the way `the books` say they should.
Moreover, I’ve discovered that it doesn’t stop when your baby starts sleeping through the night! As your child grows, the only thing that changes is your measuring stick. Soon we`re noticing how other kids eat, play, develop, speak...the list goes on and on. Comparing our kids to other kids, and ourselves to other moms, is what we do. I think it’s because deep down, what we want the most is to know we are doing an okay job: that the decisions we make are in the best interest of our children, and that because of us (or in spite of us) our children will thrive.
Have you ever wondered about God’s measure of success for young moms? His measure of success for you?? I think Micah 6:8 spells it out plain and simply. “He has shown thee, O (Mom), what is good, and what the LORD requires of thee; but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God.”
Funny...there is nothing in there about conquering milestones with your kids, instilling perfect, consistent routines...there’s not even anything about making sure your kids are always on their best behaviour. Come to think of it...God’s measure of success for you has nothing to do with your(my) kids at all, does it? Rather, how you and I are living in relation to Him. What is even MORE interesting is that when we are walking humbly with our God and living in right relationship with him, those parenting issues just all seem to fall into place.
I guess that’s just one more reason why it really is better to Mother “from your knees.”
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