"BFF"

“He’s looking at me!” “Mom, can you tell him to get out of my room?” “MAAAMAAA…she hit me!!” “HE’S TOUCHING MY THIIIIINGSSSS!!!!!!!”

Heard any of this before? (If you haven’t…I’d hazard a guess that you’re either lying, or your children have not yet developed the magical ability to talk.) Is anyone else surprised by how early on in life sibling rivalry starts?

Don’t get me wrong…I was never naive enough to assume my kids wouldn’t fight. My own history with my younger brother and sister is enough to painfully remind me of the inevitable drama between siblings. I remember the squabbles about who had to sleep either down on the floor or up in the back window of the car on road trips (once again – before the days of child seat laws…), fights over certain glasses at the breakfast table and arguments over who had to do what chores; what was and wasn’t fair.

Lately I’ve been thinking that our closeness in age sparked a little more competition than might be present in siblings spread farther apart in years. Three years and one month separated me from my youngest sibling, with my sister squeezed in somewhere in-between. The two of them can testify to the quarrels in our house and likely tell a few stories that paint me in a “not-so-flattering” light. Thankfully, the sibling rivalry did not carry on into adulthood and what’s more…they seem to have forgiven and forgotten all wrong-doings on my part as the heinous older sister.

Now I watch the drama unfold amongst my own children. I see already that their mere 17 month age difference can make them the best of friends one minute…and mortal enemies the next. Thankfully they are still at a stage when they spend more time holding hands and giggling at each other than pulling hair and calling names.

A few weeks ago I unloaded my kids from the truck and set them down cautiously in the large parking lot of our local grocery store. Since both insisted that they wanted to walk rather than ride in a cart, I followed close after them, reminding them to watch for cars as we slowly made our way to the door.

Protectively my 3 year old daughter looked over at her little brother,

“Wanna hold hands, Hen?” she asked.

He murmured something in the affirmative and stuffed his pudgy fingers into her outstretched hand.

“Henry,” she continued, “You’re my bestest friend.” She gave him one of her adoring smiles and he grinned back at her with a satisfied look, mimicking, “bestest friend!”

Giggling to herself she added, “When we get home…I think I might tickle you.”

I sighed contentedly as I watched my children walk hand-in-hand into the store, free hands swinging along with their mismatched gaits…my heart obviously touched by their admiration for each other.

Moments like that are good for a mother’s soul. Not only for the fact that for one brief and shining moment we are not fighting over whose turn it is to sit where in the cart, or who gets to hand my credit card to the cashier; but also because it reminds me that underneath all the sibling rivalry is a solid foundation of sibling amity. They truly do love each other…and I believe it’s only right that they remain amongst each others’ best friends throughout life.

I wish I could convince them of that right now as they are currently entangled in a bitter dispute over gender roles – which at times still mean very little to my 21 month old son, but are decidedly black and white in the eyes of my 3 year old daughter (she wants him to be the King, but he wants to be a Princess too!). I’d better intervene before the foot stomping and finger pointing turn into something more sinister…and perhaps royally painful.

Speaking of which…I hope my brother and sister know that I sincerely regret chasing them around the house with a frying pan, pulling them off the couch by their ankles and holding them down to perform Chinese Water Torture on their foreheads. I’m mortified that I actually treated them that way and amazed that they still talk to me these days. I hope they know that underneath all the tyranny of our youth was a deep love and respect I held for both of them…which has only increased in our “old age.” And in the end…I have far more fond memories of the times we played in 6 foot snowdrifts for hours, rode our motor bikes freely through sage-filled prairie fields and hunted under the “sugar shack” looking for the latest batch of kittens.

I can only hope that my kids can endure the sibling rivalry of their growing up years…and still consider each other their “bestest friends.”