Moniker Musings

I named my daughter roughly 12 years before she was born.

It was a name that lodged itself in my memory for over a decade and there was little doubt in my mind that one day I would hold the precious girl who belonged to it. Her middle name was also a given…the continuation of a naming tradition that has survived through 5 generations now. Fortunately my husband liked the name as well, and although we did come up with an extensive list prior to her birth (in the interest of all parties appearing to have a say in the matter), when we looked at our daughter for the first time, even he agreed that she should be called nothing else.

When my son came along, a lack of appropriate male names frustrated me entirely, and I eventually just went with my husband’s first choice: a family name from both sides that seemed to fit with our propensity towards choosing old-fashioned, time tested, gender specific names for our children.

I must say that as a teacher, naming your children can be slightly problematic. Every name you stumble across has some sort of connotation. Reading through the current Baby Name Book (which, let me tell you…no matter if it is Top 5,000 or the Top 55,000…have all the same names) is somewhat of a minefield of memories.

Either you had a student with that name who possessed a chronic vomiting problem, or a parent with a serious attitude problem who went by the same moniker. And it’s not all bad. I even have some students who were so memorably WONDERFUL that I could never think of anyone else by that name! Anyway you read the lists…90% of the names will remind you of that one year…that one class…that one student.

Nevermind the difficulties my occupation brings to the Name Game, my husband makes things worse. He can come up with a veto for everything. Too long, too short, too weird, too common, too gender neutral, too easily connected to a Sci-Fi movie from the 80’s, too easily rhymed with a part of the anatomy (or something else inappropriate that could lead to years of playground teasing), there’s just no easy agreement these days.

Perhaps I am too picky. I don’t care for particularly “trendy” names, ones that sound made up, anything on the top 10 list, or names lacking strong gender ties. And although I loved the uniqueness of my own name’s spelling all my life…for some reason I lean towards traditional spellings. Perhaps it was some of the oddities I came across in my years of teaching…the (in my opinion misspelled) “Kieth,” or “Malcom” or even a hybrid of two different names producing the mouthful, “Jefthro” that influence my spelling preferences. Growing up I remember getting a kick out of the “Penny Nickel,” and “Richard Richardson’s” that came across my path. That being said…I still refuse many people’s sadistic requests to name my child “Ex,” “Tri” or “Con” (The last name “Sept” does limit your choices, people!!)

My sister suggested I comb movie credits for a name, a former colleague proposed I consider the America’s Most Wanted List for a suitable handle, and still others keep sending me home with their treasured Best Loved Baby Names books. Everyone seems to have an opinion on the matter of the moniker.

Meanwhile my husband and I have called a moratorium on the Name Hunt. After all, we have another week or so to put off the discussion and at least 4 hours of labour to hammer out a decision. We can always hope a particularly memorable doctor or nurse has “the perfect name” (perhaps somewhat of a holy grail?) and would be honored by the gesture of us “borrowing” it for our offspring. If not, I hear the government even accepts a numeric designation as a legal forename these days.

All kidding aside, it is true that “a rose by any other name, would smell as sweet.” My Henry couldn’t be any cuter if his name was Jacob, Liam, Ethan or one of the other top-tens…and after you get to know her, the name Molly Sue doesn’t sound so “backwoods hillbilly-ish.”

And big or small, God loves them all…even the Iona Beerwagon’s of the world.

(But Lord, what were those parents thinking???)