37
I think I may finally understand what all the hype was about concerning the illusive Fountain of Youth. You just can't stop time can you? Try as I may, there was no possible chance that I would not wake up this morning, look in the mirror and see it.
It.
Thirty seven years.
It's painful to type actually. Even more painful to hear the words out loud. I know because I just whispered it to myself while I typed it. Ouch. I can honestly say today was the first time in 37 years that I have not been excited to see December 13th to arrive.
It is in fact my birthday today. My Dad asked me, "Where has the time gone?" I panicked a bit, because I was pondering the exact same question. And let's be honest, if your own Dad doesn't know the answer to something...how scary is that?
I'm loathe to admit it, but lately I've felt genuine fear over getting old. It's silly because I see the wisdom and LIFE that is attached to my 37 years - and even more so to admired lives lived much longer than mine - and I embrace it gratefully! It's just that when I look in the mirror lately I'm shocked at what I see. Age. Thirty seven full and wonderful years of it. What frustrates me about it is the fact that I don't FEEL that way on the inside. Sure, I'm wiser, less dramatic, more self-aware, less selfish, more joy-filled, less moody, (etc. etc. etc.) than I was in my 20's.
But I just don't FEEL older on the inside.
And so amidst my birthday struggles this morning, my gracious Lord placed a timely verse poignantly upon my 37 year old heart:
"That's why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day." 2 Corinthians 4:16nlt
Once again, there you have it. Good news from God's heart to ours. Yes, I feel like my outwardly body is "wasting away," as the NIV so delicately puts it. It's an undisputed fact that from the day we are born we begin to die. BUT I also shout for JOY and in resounding agreement that indeed my spirit IS being renewed every day! Although you might be surprised to hear it, It wasn't until I was nearly 34 that I finally let go of self and began to live for something - no, Someone - else. And in the past 3 years I have truly experienced what it means to live fully. Any way you look at it...I'm new.
Perhaps that's what "faith like a child" is all about. Each day as the intimacy of my relationship with Jesus grows deeper, my heart knows what it means to have my spirit renewed.
And I feel younger. More alive, more passionate, more focused. More like a fumbling child sitting in awe and love at the feet of my Father. Less like a poised adult contriving a controlled image of success, happiness and religion.
Maybe I have found it. The true Fountain of Youth, that is. At the very moment the fire of 37 candles threatens to overcome my joy for the days ahead, it is sufficiently doused by "rivers of delight:"
"How precious is your unfailing love, O God! All humanity finds shelter in the shadow of your wings. You feed them from the abundance of your own house, letting them drink from your rivers of delight. For YOU are the Fountain of life, the light by which we see." Psalm 36: 7-9
Take that 37.
It.
Thirty seven years.
It's painful to type actually. Even more painful to hear the words out loud. I know because I just whispered it to myself while I typed it. Ouch. I can honestly say today was the first time in 37 years that I have not been excited to see December 13th to arrive.
It is in fact my birthday today. My Dad asked me, "Where has the time gone?" I panicked a bit, because I was pondering the exact same question. And let's be honest, if your own Dad doesn't know the answer to something...how scary is that?
I'm loathe to admit it, but lately I've felt genuine fear over getting old. It's silly because I see the wisdom and LIFE that is attached to my 37 years - and even more so to admired lives lived much longer than mine - and I embrace it gratefully! It's just that when I look in the mirror lately I'm shocked at what I see. Age. Thirty seven full and wonderful years of it. What frustrates me about it is the fact that I don't FEEL that way on the inside. Sure, I'm wiser, less dramatic, more self-aware, less selfish, more joy-filled, less moody, (etc. etc. etc.) than I was in my 20's.
But I just don't FEEL older on the inside.
And so amidst my birthday struggles this morning, my gracious Lord placed a timely verse poignantly upon my 37 year old heart:
"That's why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day." 2 Corinthians 4:16nlt
Once again, there you have it. Good news from God's heart to ours. Yes, I feel like my outwardly body is "wasting away," as the NIV so delicately puts it. It's an undisputed fact that from the day we are born we begin to die. BUT I also shout for JOY and in resounding agreement that indeed my spirit IS being renewed every day! Although you might be surprised to hear it, It wasn't until I was nearly 34 that I finally let go of self and began to live for something - no, Someone - else. And in the past 3 years I have truly experienced what it means to live fully. Any way you look at it...I'm new.
Perhaps that's what "faith like a child" is all about. Each day as the intimacy of my relationship with Jesus grows deeper, my heart knows what it means to have my spirit renewed.
And I feel younger. More alive, more passionate, more focused. More like a fumbling child sitting in awe and love at the feet of my Father. Less like a poised adult contriving a controlled image of success, happiness and religion.
Maybe I have found it. The true Fountain of Youth, that is. At the very moment the fire of 37 candles threatens to overcome my joy for the days ahead, it is sufficiently doused by "rivers of delight:"
"How precious is your unfailing love, O God! All humanity finds shelter in the shadow of your wings. You feed them from the abundance of your own house, letting them drink from your rivers of delight. For YOU are the Fountain of life, the light by which we see." Psalm 36: 7-9
Take that 37.
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