Performance Review
Do you ever wonder if you’re doing a good job as a Mom? Do you have days when you just need someone to tell you that you’re making the right decision, or indeed acting in your child’s best interests? It terrifies me to think that the only way I’ll know if I’m doing okay at this parenting thing is to wait 18 or so years and see if my kids grow up to be well adjusted, law abiding adults who no longer throw fits in the middle of the grocery store, and can demonstrate some rudimentary table manners when eating in public.
Motherhood is one of the few jobs on earth that doesn't offer consistent performance feedback. Not to say that it doesn’t offer any feedback. It does. But today, the feedback I got was the temper tantrum my toddler threw when she didn’t want to have a nap at the appointed time. Not to mention the lovely spray of rice cereal when my baby boy sneezed in my face...right in the middle of a giant spoonful of his lunch; bringing a slightly more literal meaning to the term “feedback.”
What I’m trying to say is that (so far) as I fly by the seat of my pants in this role of “Mom,” there are not a lot of checks and balances in place to let me know whether or not I’m doing a good job...and more importantly, the consistent, daily encouragement that I received (and thrived on) in my previous job as a teacher is often missing.
You would think that a certain “nearly 2 year old” (who shall remain nameless) could at least throw out a “by the way Mom, great job on sticking with the potty training...your patience and consistency is really paying off!” or perhaps my 6 month old could somehow convey a “Hey Mom, it’s a credit to you that I’m learning the meaning of love and security...thanks for patting my back and whispering in my ear while I cried.” At the very least he could say the word “Mamma” first!..(why is it that all 6 month olds say “Dadda” first??) It sounds crazy I know...but some days I need that kind of encouragement to remind me why I do what I do!
The bottom line goes something like this. It is not often that someone tells a new mom that she is doing a great job, or commends her on the many menial tasks she does in a day. There is definitely no one cheering you on as you clean up the mess made by a toddler wielding a glue stick and entire roll of toilet paper, and so far no one is giving out medals for the number of laundry loads done in one day.
HA! As I sit here contemplating my next paragraph, my eyes wander to the Bible sitting on the desk next to me. It’s open to the last verse of Proverbs 31, and somehow I wonder if these words have something to do with what I write:
“Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her; "There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!" Charm is deceptive and beauty does not last, but a woman who fears the LORD will be greatly praised. Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise."
So there you have it. This is not exactly the ending I had planned to write for this and yet...likely (if God is controlling my pen) far better, so bear with me:
It's true, being a Mom is often a thankless job. I get that. Believe me, I get that. And burn-out happens...I get that too. But what if, just what if we are looking in the wrong places for our feedback? What if we're desiring the approval of man over the approval of our heavenly father? And if so...why?
Here's the homework: Take 15 minutes today in a quiet place (the pantry, your closet, the locked bathroom door), get on your knees and ask the Lord to give you a performance review. Pour out to Him the specific terms of your burn-out and then ask Him for HIS encouragement. Wait upon the Lord and...that's right...renew your strength (Isaiah 40).
That's not all! Do me a favour and take the next opportunity you have to encourage the other Moms around you. Sing their praises and offer authentic feedback about what you see them doing well. I’d wager a guess that they need to hear it from someone else. And chances are; the encouragement will come back around to you when you need it most.
And if my Mom is reading this...you should know that many people would consider me to be well-adjusted(I think.) And I haven’t had a speeding ticket for 7 years, so it goes without saying that I’m generally law-abiding. As far as the table manners go, although I may still stumble over which of my 8 forks is the salad fork...I do chew with my mouth closed and know not to slurp my soup. Oh, and the last fit I threw in the grocery store was over the current price of a box of Special K...so that doesn’t really count, right? All this is to say (seriously), that you did(and still do!) a great job as a Mom.
Sorry it took so long to find out.
Motherhood is one of the few jobs on earth that doesn't offer consistent performance feedback. Not to say that it doesn’t offer any feedback. It does. But today, the feedback I got was the temper tantrum my toddler threw when she didn’t want to have a nap at the appointed time. Not to mention the lovely spray of rice cereal when my baby boy sneezed in my face...right in the middle of a giant spoonful of his lunch; bringing a slightly more literal meaning to the term “feedback.”
What I’m trying to say is that (so far) as I fly by the seat of my pants in this role of “Mom,” there are not a lot of checks and balances in place to let me know whether or not I’m doing a good job...and more importantly, the consistent, daily encouragement that I received (and thrived on) in my previous job as a teacher is often missing.
You would think that a certain “nearly 2 year old” (who shall remain nameless) could at least throw out a “by the way Mom, great job on sticking with the potty training...your patience and consistency is really paying off!” or perhaps my 6 month old could somehow convey a “Hey Mom, it’s a credit to you that I’m learning the meaning of love and security...thanks for patting my back and whispering in my ear while I cried.” At the very least he could say the word “Mamma” first!..(why is it that all 6 month olds say “Dadda” first??) It sounds crazy I know...but some days I need that kind of encouragement to remind me why I do what I do!
The bottom line goes something like this. It is not often that someone tells a new mom that she is doing a great job, or commends her on the many menial tasks she does in a day. There is definitely no one cheering you on as you clean up the mess made by a toddler wielding a glue stick and entire roll of toilet paper, and so far no one is giving out medals for the number of laundry loads done in one day.
HA! As I sit here contemplating my next paragraph, my eyes wander to the Bible sitting on the desk next to me. It’s open to the last verse of Proverbs 31, and somehow I wonder if these words have something to do with what I write:
“Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her; "There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!" Charm is deceptive and beauty does not last, but a woman who fears the LORD will be greatly praised. Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise."
So there you have it. This is not exactly the ending I had planned to write for this and yet...likely (if God is controlling my pen) far better, so bear with me:
It's true, being a Mom is often a thankless job. I get that. Believe me, I get that. And burn-out happens...I get that too. But what if, just what if we are looking in the wrong places for our feedback? What if we're desiring the approval of man over the approval of our heavenly father? And if so...why?
Here's the homework: Take 15 minutes today in a quiet place (the pantry, your closet, the locked bathroom door), get on your knees and ask the Lord to give you a performance review. Pour out to Him the specific terms of your burn-out and then ask Him for HIS encouragement. Wait upon the Lord and...that's right...renew your strength (Isaiah 40).
That's not all! Do me a favour and take the next opportunity you have to encourage the other Moms around you. Sing their praises and offer authentic feedback about what you see them doing well. I’d wager a guess that they need to hear it from someone else. And chances are; the encouragement will come back around to you when you need it most.
And if my Mom is reading this...you should know that many people would consider me to be well-adjusted(I think.) And I haven’t had a speeding ticket for 7 years, so it goes without saying that I’m generally law-abiding. As far as the table manners go, although I may still stumble over which of my 8 forks is the salad fork...I do chew with my mouth closed and know not to slurp my soup. Oh, and the last fit I threw in the grocery store was over the current price of a box of Special K...so that doesn’t really count, right? All this is to say (seriously), that you did(and still do!) a great job as a Mom.
Sorry it took so long to find out.
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