Ready Or Not - Here We Come?

I've said it before, but more and more I'm convinced that I would have been a better teacher had I been a parent first.  Don't get me wrong, I think I was good at my job...I was affirmed to that end by parents and colleagues alike.  However, I realize now that I was missing one important thing: compassion for parents.

So here I am on the other side of the door to the classroom and I am only now empathizing with all those parents that I had contact with through the years.   The agony that comes with wanting the best for your child, the decisions that have to be made, and the uncertainty at every turn that you are even qualified to make them.  It's exhausting.  Believe me, I'm a trained teacher with years of experience in the field and I STILL feel confused about some of the decisions I have to make.

Lately, one of those decisions has sent me into a proverbial tailspin.  I feel as though I've been bouncing around in the neutral territory between professional opinions birthed out of an expensive degree and time-earned experience, and the maternal instinct to protect a child from the possibility of anything other than success.  The decision in question is whether or not to send my daughter with a November birthday to Kindergarten this Fall.  Since the cut off for age eligibility (turning 5) is February, she qualifies.  The conundrum is whether or not she is ready.

Frankly, I never thought this would be an issue for me.  I myself was a December birthday, usually the youngest in my class, and don't doubt or regret my parents' decision to put me into Kindergarten as a Four Year Old.  I was fine...maybe some would argue better than fine.  As a Kindergarten and Grade One teacher in the city, I never had issues with "fall birthday children" who I thought had been sent to school before they were ready.  I must admit, there were a few concerns about students with January and February birthdays...and more often with boys than girls.  It was because of these experiences I informed my husband early on in our marriage that we would be doing our best to avoid having children with birthdays in said months.

So now I find myself living in a small town, with fabulous schools, involved parents and a completely different outlook.  While in the city, most parents sent their children to Kindergarten without any reserve as soon as they qualified (school is cheaper than daycare - harsh but a true assessment in my opinion), here in this community, most children don't go to Kindergarten until fully 5.  This means that there are children turning 5 in September, October, etc. who are not going to Kindergarten until the following year.  The parents I talk to cite social readiness, and the benefit of one more year at home with Mom, among other things as the driving factor in their decision.

And I have to agree with them.  My Education background makes me aware of the fact that intellectual preparedness is RARELY the deciding factor when assessing a child's Kindergarten readiness.  To be honest, most kids are ready - intellectually- to start Kindergarten between the ages of 4 and 5.  Rather, what needs to be the determining factor is social readiness.  Herein lies the difficulty, since in my experience, many parents are confused about what it means to be "socially ready," but easily spot "academic readiness."  What I mean by this is that most parents will tell you their child is ready for Kindergarten because they can recognize and write all their ABC's, rote count to thirty, spell their name and the names of their family members...even read a few high-frequency sight words.  But gauging whether a child can problem solve, reason, or resolve conflict age and developmentally appropriately is not as easily ascertained by a parent.  The bottom line is that most parents consider "academic readiness" the determining factor in a child's school readiness, when Educational professionals are more likely to consider social maturity and temperamental characteristics as the more relevant factor (see here).

Not to mention, being "socially ready" in your average Kindergarten class in the city where I used to teach looks radically different than fitting in with peers in a similar classroom here in my small town, where a good percentage of the class has delayed their entry into Kindergarten - thereby upping the average student age.  Do you follow?  

Another problem I see is that many parents enter into either side of this issue with the conviction that their child needs to be "challenged" or worry their child will be bored.  The problem I see with using this argument as the determining factor, is that parents often misinterpret a child's social immaturity as a need to be challenged.  Let me explain.  A parent may suggest they want to promote their preschooler to Kindergarten because they are bored and need more of a challenge...when the actual issue is that the child has simply not yet developed any internal motivation; perhaps a sign of social immaturity.  Then again, some individuals never achieve levels of internal motivation and must rely on Pavlovian cause and effect to motivate them through life.

After doing some more mainstream research on the subject, (I don't always advise this, since you don't need any kind of credentials to publish a rant on any given issue - case in point) my husband found out that many successful North American "icons" (if you will) were delayed entry to Kindergarten.  These students seemed to possess more confidence, self awareness and talent in the sports arena.  Sounds good to him!  But this may or may not be relevant to our own child.

Then there are the arguments regarding size and age in reference to classroom peers, the stigma of being "held back" (which in my opinion - this is not - it is more accurately described as delayed placement/entry...but kids are kids and often unfortunately cruel), and fears of inequality in peer relationships.  Again, I'm not sure what is relevant.

So what is relevant concerning my daughter?  Well...she possesses the academic readiness (in my professional opinion), and she seems to run near the front of the pack socially in her preschool class, but outside of her comfort zone she is more often shy than confident.  She has a tender, tender heart (now this is my maternal instinct kicking in) and is easily frustrated by imperfection...often to the point of dramatic interludes.  Perhaps this is just (and will always be) her personality, I just can't help but remember how it felt to be barely 17 in University and having to choose my major...deciding then and there what I was going to do with the rest of my life.  To be honest, I felt too young for that decision.  And in hindsight, could my fear of failure and hesitancy to take risks as a child, adolescent and young adult be attributed to a lack of confidence born out of social immaturity?

How on earth do parents without an Education degree make these decisions??  I'm kidding of course, but on further consideration, perhaps they have the better way out.  Rather than being stuck in the middle of the academia vs. parental instinct tug-of-war, they can simply look at their own child - free of statistics, comparisons and benchmarks - and know they are either ready or not.

That still doesn't help me.  And after this (loooong) rant (which I hoped would serve in getting my thoughts straight on the issue), I am no further ahead in the decision process.  I guess I'll just go back to my only course of action in times like these...prayer.  Educational degree or not...right now it's all I've got.