on being exposed

Spring break has me waking up a glorious hour later.  Mix in a little daylight savings and a touch of nowhere to be and by the time I settle in with my bible and coffee these days there are hints of light streaming through the window where I once sat through winter in total darkness.  I've turned my chair towards that window, forsaking rules of furniture placement for the promise of the rising sun and hope-giving light.  

This morning it burst out from behind the rooftops as I prayed ancient words from Thomas a Kempis:

Now look upon me Lord.  Your gaze can turn my nothingness into newness, my darkness into light, my misery into joy, my death into life. 

I let those words ring out in my mind while I gazed, eyes closed, into that brilliant sun.  Feeling the warmth on my face somehow reminded me of all the OT warnings that no man can see God and live and I wondered at this sun, this burning ball of gas.  I wondered for a moment at the truth that likewise, no man can look directly into it and turn away vision unscathed.  

In true rebellious human form I tried; I opened my eyes and longed to gaze into it as I long to see the face of God.  This God that brings life from death and new from nothing, joy from misery, love from lack. 

I couldn't maintain my gaze.  However, turning from it (once my vision cleared) revealed a host of reality until then I hadn’t seen.  A magnificent spider web, kissed by frost and illuminated in the suns rays.  The buds about to burst on the seemingly bare branches of our cherry tree and the single thread by which many of the oak leaves still hang on. 

But you know how it works; I also now saw the dust in every corner of the room.  Wherever those precious rays of light landed they exposed what was truly there.  Some of it beautiful, some less than so.  

It brought to mind the simple truth: It is by the sun we see everything else.  Similarly by the Son, by Jesus, the Lord God Himself we can truly see everything else.  By His light, His very nature I see the beauty of this world; creation, love, purpose.  And by His light I also see that which is less than beautiful…not only of this world, but in me.  Dust exposed.

I’m reading a devotional* this week about the way the current global pandemic is exposing the illusions we humans cling to: illusions like strength, independence and control.  From my own experience, he’s not wrong.

Truth is, had that dust in my living room not been exposed, I wouldn't clean it.  I'm just not that Martha.  But now that I see it I know it's what I need to do.  That’s the grace of God’s exposing light and truth.  The grace that His Presence offers us.  That by revealing all the places we are independent, fearful and controlling we might actually see a more compelling reality and turn to follow Jesus.  And in turning that we might begin down a new path laid down by His footsteps, becoming people who are gloriously dependent, peace filled and faith-full.

I guess I start today by asking the Lord to shine His light and expose the dust that has long settled.  In my life, disrupting circumstances have always been a grace, a conduit to fuller faith, hope and love in my own life and the life of my family.  True story.

To that end, here are some questions I’ll be asking myself today:

In what way does this expose my fear…

…of not having enough?

…of future plans and goals going unfulfilled?

…of having to step into new ways of living outside my comfort zone?

…of losing independence as I may have to rely more on others?

How does my situation expose my illusion of control?

…when it comes to my family and their health?

…when it comes to my schedule?

…when it comes to the choices of others?

If you like, you can ask the questions along with me.  Our answers might not be the same and yet we will both face the same beautiful way forward; that of confession and repentance as the sure way to the place of forgiveness and soul rest...to the place where the peace of God transcends all understanding, where hearts and minds are guarded by His very presence.

I’ll see you there.

How priceless is your unfailing love, O God! People take refuge in the shadow of your wings.  They feast on the abundance of your house; you give them drink from your river of delights.  For with you is the fountain of life; in your light we see light.  Psalm 36:7-9

* The devotional is called With God Daily, by Skye Jethani.  I highly recommend the app!