Long Overdue: A New Top Ten
Two year olds are an interesting breed. Funny “haha”, and funny peculiar too. After another week of unsuccessfully trying to wrangle my own two year old, I have finally come to the realization that there are some things about her that I will likely never understand. In fact, I was thinking that perhaps the behavior of Two Year Olds ought to be listed among the “Wonders of the World,” along with the Great Wall of China and such.
In the midst of scratching my head over her antics, I realized that perhaps I will have to pick my battles when it comes to some of her “two-ness.” At least once a day I find myself saying, “Why on EARTH would you do that??” The answer now comes quickly out of habit, and I make a point of saying out loud to her, “Because you’re TWO I guess!” And although I know that good writers always write about what they KNOW…I am going to break with the norm here, throw caution to the wind, and write about something that has me truly BAFFLED!
And so, without further adieu…
The Top Ten Things I Will NEVER Understand About Two Year Olds.
10) how they manage to exist on 13 cheerios and a pack of fruity dinosaurs. Seriously…how can the small amount of food that ever ends up in their stomach add up to THAT MUCH energy??
9) why they never learn that shoving things up their nose always ends the same way…badly!!
8) how they can go from “sweet and precocious” to “fire breathing dragon” in the blink of an eye. (And they say women are bad for mood swings!!)
7) you spend good money, time and creativity making them a cozy, cute “big kid bed,” and it never fails…you find them sleeping curled up on the floor in the closet, under their bed, or if you are ESPECIALLY lucky…wedged between you and your husband.
6) you’ve finally given up fighting the afternoon naps…but without fail they fall asleep around 5:30pm…giving them the second wind they need to fool around in their bedroom an extra ninety minutes before falling asleep at bedtime.
5) why they can emerge from a reckless roughhousing session with Daddy unscathed(did I mention it’s usually right before bed?), but tripping over the crack in the sidewalk elicits a scene that could only be described as, “the wailing and gnashing of teeth.”
4) Speaking of number 5…why is it that even if they’ve been walking now for well over a year, they suddenly have no coordination and are constantly covered with enough bumps and bruises to make you worry that your neighbor might secretly make a call to Social Services…
3) no matter how big the mess they make, or how bad they break the rules, they unabashedly tell the truth when asked who did it. And although I don’t understand it…this is one that I find deeply endearing. I will enjoy it while it lasts…the “Fibbing Four Year Old” will show up before I know it.
2) why they wait until you are on the phone with Grandma (or the Bank) to wrap their little brother up in the entire roll of toilet paper, or empty the whole tube of toothpaste into their nasal cavity (which brings me RIGHT back to #9, doesn’t it???!!)
1) how it is that even after dealing with all the above antics, disasters and drama…all it takes is one little chubby hand on my cheek and a flippant “I love you Mommy,” and I (the notably WISER and emotionally stable adult) am putty in her hands.
Like I said…Two Year Olds are an interesting breed.
In the midst of scratching my head over her antics, I realized that perhaps I will have to pick my battles when it comes to some of her “two-ness.” At least once a day I find myself saying, “Why on EARTH would you do that??” The answer now comes quickly out of habit, and I make a point of saying out loud to her, “Because you’re TWO I guess!” And although I know that good writers always write about what they KNOW…I am going to break with the norm here, throw caution to the wind, and write about something that has me truly BAFFLED!
And so, without further adieu…
The Top Ten Things I Will NEVER Understand About Two Year Olds.
10) how they manage to exist on 13 cheerios and a pack of fruity dinosaurs. Seriously…how can the small amount of food that ever ends up in their stomach add up to THAT MUCH energy??
9) why they never learn that shoving things up their nose always ends the same way…badly!!
8) how they can go from “sweet and precocious” to “fire breathing dragon” in the blink of an eye. (And they say women are bad for mood swings!!)
7) you spend good money, time and creativity making them a cozy, cute “big kid bed,” and it never fails…you find them sleeping curled up on the floor in the closet, under their bed, or if you are ESPECIALLY lucky…wedged between you and your husband.
6) you’ve finally given up fighting the afternoon naps…but without fail they fall asleep around 5:30pm…giving them the second wind they need to fool around in their bedroom an extra ninety minutes before falling asleep at bedtime.
5) why they can emerge from a reckless roughhousing session with Daddy unscathed(did I mention it’s usually right before bed?), but tripping over the crack in the sidewalk elicits a scene that could only be described as, “the wailing and gnashing of teeth.”
4) Speaking of number 5…why is it that even if they’ve been walking now for well over a year, they suddenly have no coordination and are constantly covered with enough bumps and bruises to make you worry that your neighbor might secretly make a call to Social Services…
3) no matter how big the mess they make, or how bad they break the rules, they unabashedly tell the truth when asked who did it. And although I don’t understand it…this is one that I find deeply endearing. I will enjoy it while it lasts…the “Fibbing Four Year Old” will show up before I know it.
2) why they wait until you are on the phone with Grandma (or the Bank) to wrap their little brother up in the entire roll of toilet paper, or empty the whole tube of toothpaste into their nasal cavity (which brings me RIGHT back to #9, doesn’t it???!!)
1) how it is that even after dealing with all the above antics, disasters and drama…all it takes is one little chubby hand on my cheek and a flippant “I love you Mommy,” and I (the notably WISER and emotionally stable adult) am putty in her hands.
Like I said…Two Year Olds are an interesting breed.
Comments
Those top ten questions will be asked as she is 3,4,5,... Kids will be kids and will leave us baffled EVERYDAY ! The one thing that won't change is how you will become "putty in their hands" each and every time they smile at you, hug you, or say "I love you".
And Candice...it's not so bad being "putty" is it?? You always have a way of reminding me that it is the reason I do this job in the first place!!